Ughablah

So not happy today. I'm just glad I made it through work. I don't necessarily LIKE this job. It's getting harder and harder to like this job. I really hate the feeling of panic that comes when I'm about to push the "ready" button to start taking phone calls. I also hate the feeling of panic when the phone beeps to say there's a customer on the line. And then it spirals downward if the person sounds angry/irritated/unhappy. I understand not everyone will be pleasant. I don't like it either when I have to call in because something isn't working. I'm hoping that once I get better at troubleshooting, I won't have quite so much panic/stress.
I'm also having a hard time finding a place to live that isn't my best friend's couch. Her apartment doesn't have AC, so it's always really hot in the evening. But, worse than that, she's starting to get a little worried that I'm not going to leave. If I could find a place that would accept cats, I'd be out. Except now, I'm also starting to get low on funds. It's entirely my fault. I have ZERO self control, which depresses me. I see something in a store I want and 9 times out of 10 I buy it. And as for that 1 time out of 10, 9 times out of 10 after that I go back to the store and just buy it another day. I know it's related to feeling unhappy with my life and then feeling happy when I get stuff I want. It's just not helping me get an apartment. I'm about ready to settle for an apartment that doesn't allow pets and then try and sneak my cats in there. I'm seriously fine with paying the pet deposit (assuming I can afford it), but there's like 2 places that accept pets when I check the listings. And even then, there might not be 2. It's very frustrating. Especially when I miss my cats (which is silly, but true), and would really really really not like to live too much longer without them around. I know I got them to help with depression. And they really honestly did help. It doesn't really help my mood that I had a kind of stressful weekend. Well, more tiring than stressful. I drove home to go to my brother's mission farewell. I won't see him for 2 years. I'm just really grateful we got to spend a few months getting along and being buddies over the summer.
My 25th birthday is coming up. Yep. 25. Yep. I feel so pathetic all the time. I'm 25 and I haven't accomplished ANYTHING with my life. I've barely set any goals and accomplished even less of them. I waste all my time online wishing I could do stuff or be good at stuff. And when I do get up enough oomph to try stuff, I'm terrible at it.
I really need to go to the gym. But I really don't want to. I really just want to go to bed. But it's way too hot. :(
Goodnight~